Adventures in breastfeeding

A few weeks ago I noticed that I wasn't getting much when I would pump due to not being able to let down. When I nurse Kiley I have no problem but it just wasn't happening when I pumped. I have had no problem for the past 7 months pumping 1-2 times a day at work but all of a sudden-nothing. I struggled with this for about a week and the more I stressed the less I got. I put a lot of effort and energy (way more than I should have) into trying to figure out how to handle this new development-should I give up on breastfeeding, should I continue to spend 30 minutes pumping every couple of hours until I start letting down again (and who knows if that will ever happen). I came to the conclusion that although not being able to pump means not being able to give Kiley breast milk at daycare I am lucky that I am still doing well nursing and will now just have to supplement with formula when I am away from her.
I found myself having to do a lot of affirmations and telling myself I am not a failure. I had to tell myself that I have gone 9 months giving her pretty much all breastmilk, and I should feel really good about that especially as a working mom, and I actually had to convince myself that just because I couldn't give Kiley breast milk every time, it isn't the end of breastfeeding all together and that Kiley wouldn't suffer and the world wouldn't end from having to get a couple bottles a day of formula. It's silly I know but I had this horrible failure feeling about it, even though I know a lot of moms that aren't able to breast feed or decide not to and their babies are JUST FINE!
I realized that doctors, other moms, and mostly myself put a lot of pressure on breastfeeding to the point that if I give my child a bottle of formula I feel like I am failing my child, and she is going to get sick and her brain isn't going to develop right and I am going to dry up from not nursing this one time. Oh and if I don't breastfeed the whole first year I must be a horrible mom and obviously don't care about my child. I am not quitting or complaining about breast feeding. I enjoy the time I have nursing Kiley, the bonding it gives us, that it is the one thing that only I can do for her, but it is hard work! Even now that we are out of the era of 10-12 feedings a day and only breastfeed about 4 times a day, it takes a lot of patience and dedication. Sometimes your body goes through changes that affect your supply, and sometimes your baby bites, and sometimes your baby goes on nursing strikes, or won't latch right and choosing to give a child formula (a formula that over years has been studied and reconfigured to be as close to breast milk as possible) and not take on the extra stress or time commitment to breastfeed should not be something that is looked down upon or feel bad about.
So here we are. We are nursing and formula feeding and actually it's kind of nice. I didn't realize all the extra steps I had to take every day- packing the pump and the expressed bottles every day along with the baby, diaper bag and car seat, dropping off the bottles with Kiley at daycare, taking a couple breaks to pump in the bathroom, remembering to bring the expressed bottles home and get them into the freezer, picking up all the dirty bottles with Kiley at daycare, and wash the pump. Not to mention if I wasn't able to take a second pumping break and don't have enough bottles for Kiley for the next day then I have to work in a couple more pumping sessions at home. It's amazing how often 1 or more of those steps gets missed when you are rushed and sleep deprived. Now I take Kiley to daycare where she has bottles and formula already there and ready, I get through my work day without having to spend a good portion in the bathroom attached to the pump, and I pick her up. So much easier and more enjoyable.